Earsquish

Being together

2011-11-30T02:07:00.003Z

As usual I'm typing this late at night (technically it's early morning) from my iPod. Bleary eyes, stumbling thumbs and a small screen. But I want to say something. Not sure quite what yet.

This evening I watched the American Office. It was the episode where Pam has a baby. She asks the nurse for help trying to feed her baby as she is having problems getting her to latch on. The nurse responds by saying try again later and that she will take the baby to the nursery and feed her formula if she gets hungry.

HUH

Why didn't she just help?

I didn't really want to watch it anymore after that because it wound me up. Hawk said it's just a show,they're setting up a comedy moment.

HUH

When I had Leo this same scenario happened to me. I was extremely weak as I had lost around a litre and a half of blood and gone through a rather dramatic/traumatic time just after Leo was born. I was having blood transfusions at the time and my partner (Hawk) had been told to go home. I couldn't pick my baby up as I had various drips going in my arms and hands. My arms were so weak i couldn't move them. Nobody helped me. I struggled and struggled and eventually got him in my arms. A nurse told me to put him back in his plastic box. She said I didn't want to create bad habits. I had just created this little miracle and wanted to love him and hold him and be with him and I was told to put him in a box.

HUH!!! Wahh

I get cross thinking about it now. If I was well enough then I would have been pretty "fuck you" about it because the thought of separating from my baby was THE WORST. Him and I were still the same. I knew I was going to hold my baby and marvel at him. I actually couldn't fight against a natural need to have him on me and with me. He just got born and was taken from me so that they could repair me. And then he was supposed to stay in a plastic box like a good little baby. This tiny helpless creature. MY boy. I just didn't have any strength left to think or fight or speak or move. And it was very overwhelming and surreal. I had worked up to the day I gave birth because Leo arrived three weeks early. My last day in the office. I was exhausted before I had him.

(I can't see what I am typing now because my screen keeps scrolling up. So annoying. Probably a bunch of illegible rambles.)

A nurse told me my baby was hungry and she was going to take him and get a domestic to give him formula. She told me because I had been through trauma and blood loss my body wasn't producing the colostrum my baby needed. But she didn't try and help me, a new mother, at all. Not one bit. I think my body WAS producing what my baby needed. I think she couldn't be bothered and the easiest option was to take him and have him fed.

When they took him off me I cried. I cried and cried and cried. I could not stop. I cried in total silence because I was embarrassed. I used all my strength to stand up and walk out the room and I saw down the corridor a woman holding my baby and feeding him. And I felt like it was the worst moment ever. I did not want to be separate from him. I did not did not did not want a stranger holding and feeding MY baby. I wanted to go and take him off her.

They brought him back to me and I held him tight, sitting up all night and silently crying. I watched the clock all night waiting for Hawk to come back. Leo and I were covered in everything gross from birth plus donor blood where the doctor was rough and careless and yanked it about because the transfusion broke three times. But we were together :-)

So this is the thing. Often I tell people that I am soft. I say I'm a soft parent because I don't like being apart from my baby. I do things as he asks. He's so little. He wants food and love (and when you are nursing that is the same thing).The world is confusing when you are new to it. Being awake is strange and being tired is hard. I am not strict. When I talk to people I say it like its a bad thing but I know for a fact that is how i am and i couldnt change it. I am very attached.

I worked out how to breastfeed on my own. Leo sleeps in my bed. He is happy, content and thriving. I have friends and family that have done something called 'crying it out' as a technique for getting their babies to sleep through the night. Its good it works for them but I know I can't do that. I get very stressed hearing my baby cry. He doesn't cry if he is with me or I am carrying him or cuddling him. He feels safe and loved and that's good for me. I like holding him, feeding him and having him with me.

When he was newborn I barely put him down, let alone leave him. Now I have to go to work. It's ok because he is with my mum. She loves him like I do. He gets more independent all the time and that's good. I'm happy. He is eleven months old. I know as time goes on we will be less and less the same person. He is finding his own identity and personality. And I will tell you something right now: it's awesome! He is lovely. Funny, sweet, loving, confident, content, cheeky, smart and boisterous.

butter

2011-11-22T23:06:00.001Z

Today my housewife duties were a dismal failure. I managed to accidentally dye a load of washing pink. Sorry boys! I watched the baby throw every morsel of every meal on the floor. The house is in total disarray. I feel like I need a beer. And a housewife.

My favourite part of the day was sitting on the floor with Leo and mucking about. I kind of miss the days when he was tiny and would nap on my chest for hours but this is definitely more fun. He is always up for a frolic.

I wish Blue Bloods would give a female a decent role. There is the mom that bakes, the dull lawyer and the sidekick cop that is always one step behind the chap. You know, I gotta sit here, boring in suburbia. Give me a normal woman, please. And don't get me started on House. One beautiful, model-esque lady doctor after another.

Now I must sip my hot chocolate and tidy up this bomb site ready for tomorrow.

p.s. This is my most b.e.a.uuuuutiful :-)

smooth

2011-11-21T22:50:00.000Z

Spent the day trying to comprehend data at work after a grand total of two hours sleep. None of it matters because now I am home and the bubs is asleep BY HIMSELF! It only took an hour. I could feel myself drifting off with him. I have the next two days off. I have a list of jobs the length of the M25 but I reckon the park and some severe snuggling is in order.

p.s. I just ate two chocolate mousses.

2011-11-06T01:04:00.001Z

I spent all evening trying to upload photos. I take ~~hundreds~~ thousands of photos of my baby. I don't know what I took pictures of before my muse arrived. I find it stressful doing anything other than letting the baby climb on my head and poke out my eyeballs. The whole time I was uploading pictures he was being mournful for me. When Leo is sleepy or sad he just wants his mumma. I think it would be nice to be able to spend a while doing something other than look after the baby and NOT feel guilty for it.

This morning I was flicking through the music channels searching for just one good song to blast out for my boy. Credits were closing on breakfast and I wanted to prolong my coffee. I got advert advert advert the Grease Medley advert advert advert advert Michael Buble advert... All these channels for what?

Today was Leo's first Guy Fawkes night. We stood on the backdoor step watching fireworks shoot around us whilst Hawk cooked a roast dinner. I squeezed my boy close in the cold.

Pffffff pffffff is this thing on?

2011-11-05T01:12:00.000Z

Oh good giddy god god I spent a while saying hello and it's vanished. It took ages typing on my little iPod as well. I see examples of women having babies and straight away carrying on with life no sweat. They blog and get back to creative stuff and I am trailing behind barely able to tie my own shoes. Pathetico! My cousin even cleaned her oven. WTF, right?! P.s Do NOT look inside my oven. Horror.

Whenever I switch on my laptop the baby either wants to climb inside on top hereherrhereoh my god mouse mouse! batter batter smash. Or he decides he is super miserable and wants a cuddle and to be wrestled to sleep.

I have a handsome, gorgeous, bouncing baby boy. His name is Leo and he is pretty much the best. My Hawk just wrote about when he was born right here: http://takeitlikeaprisonbitch.blogspot.com/2011/11/little-bit-about-day-of-23rd-december.html

I imagine this post will look totally botched. I can't area blinking thing on this screen, it's late and my brain got lost somewhere over a rainbow.

Automobile

2010-09-28T14:10:00.008+01:00

I got a lovely and shiny new car. My first car. I can't drive it at the moment as it's not insured yet but yesterday I moved it to a space outside my house. It was a touch traumatic. I haven't driven since passing my test a year or two back. After minutes (that felt like an age) of bumbling back and forth in a space big enough to fit a juggernaut in I remembered what mirrors are for and parked liked a non-maniac.

I was so embarrassed and shaking and sweating. I can never leave the house again. It's going to be one of those moments I look back on from time to time that make me cringe.

Sabbath class

2010-09-26T22:09:00.000+01:00

I went to Asda on Sunday to return a dress I bought there the week before. I got in the store and couldn’t find my receipt so I asked the security guard (only person about) if I could exchange an item without a receipt. He said no.

On the way out the alarm went off. The same security guy was asking me questions about which tilI bought the dress from “don’t remember, it was two weeks ago”. I said I’ve never stolen anything in my entire life and I certainly wouldn’t start with clothes from ASDA! He said he wasn’t accusing me of stealing but how did he know I had paid for it?

FUMING

I said that is the same as accusing me of stealing. Then he tried called his manager and she said “I’m going home, deal with it yourself” over his walkie talkie. So he was scratching his head and I was getting a bit heated and he said he would give me the benefit of the doubt.

BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT. WTF MOTHERRRRRRRRR @£$%^. As if I need you to grace me with your benefit!

I had to be restrained by Hawk. DO I LOOK LIKE A COMMON THIEF?!

I mean seriously, I was wearing a lacy blouse, scarf, fancy jewels etc etc – I had just been out for Sunday lunch (granted, to a pub but I can’t even drink!). Do I seriously look like I would steal from ASDA?!?!?!?!?!

Hawk had to escort me off the premises. I’ve never been so insulted in my entire life. As long as I live I will never get over the insult.

Whilst this was occurring a woman was actually having hysterics because she was trying to return a thermos flask she had purchased the day before because the lid had broken and they were asking her how they knew she hadn’t broken it. She was actually in hysterics sobbing and screaming.

sailboat

2010-09-23T21:30:00.001+01:00

I'll think of some good things to say, just not right now. I feel bad that I haven't posted for a while. I'm so permanently shagged though. I caught sight of myself in the mirror whilst brushing my hair a few moments ago and holy fuck the areas from eye socket to cheekbone are almost black. I wake up almost every night at 4am with a new nightmare (always involving my family), then stay awake until I'm calm enough to think sleep might be safe. As soon as I'm asleep again Hawk's alarm is going off for crack of dawn overtime.

To add insult to injury, today I sat through a management meeting where over an hour was dedicated to issues with post. At one point I actually thought that I have studied for GCSEs, A Levels and a degree and that has led to a job listening to other managers quibble about post. You guys are dorking on my vibe with all the dicks.

I cannot wait until my baby is here.

Saturday I am having a tremendous fucking lie in to end all lie ins. Hawk is washing up right now. He's the best. Our ironing pile is so big that yesterday we both saw it through the window from the street outside. There are more clothes in the ironing basket than in our wardrobes.

p.s.

my boy

2010-09-03T11:38:00.001+01:00

The babe is a boy. I didn't mind either way but this feels right. I'm so pleased. He seems to be doing ok so far. I love him (in all his alien like glory).

Sympathy for the devil

2010-09-02T21:32:00.003+01:00

When I don't feel well it makes me accidentally nice to Hawk. I don't have the energy to be a rude witch. This evening Hawk made me a cup of tea in a pretty floral mug and not the moo cow one :)

never the sharpest but always the tool

2010-09-01T23:59:00.002+01:00

This is going to be a super quick post because I made it all the way to half 11 and am about to pass out. This may not make sense.

Yesterday was my first day back at work after over a week off. I had a midwife appointment in the morn and felt totally fine. On my way in to the office I started feeling ra-huff. I put it down to first day back anxiety. All day my head was cracking and I had to call off a meeting because getting my shit together for it felt tantamount to scaling Everest. I had 184 new emails, 7 voicemails and a paper pile up which actually resembled Everest. So I put the sludge feeling down to that overload.

This is a tangent but as I walked in and I mean, my computer had not even loaded up yet, I got bombarded with information. I take an hour every morning to simply adjust enough once at work to even speak basic niceties to people. Who in their right mind would barrage someone just back from holiday with a voice attack. Don’t ever do that. Let a colleague realign their settings in silence for a while.

So, at work feeling shitty and tired. But I’m up the duff so that’s normal. Came home, could not move. Felt like a guilty lazy twat as collapsed and Hawk did all the boring grown up chores. Woke up feeling shitty and tired, back at work feeling rough. Really rough. Head splitting so much that cannot focus on my screen or letters or writing. Feeling overwhelmingly hot. This is the norm too in pregnancy. Spent ages fanning myself with paper and wondering if the air conditioning was broken. Everyone else merrily in jumpers and cardies and definitely not boiling to death in heat wave. I thought my skin was burning but felt cold when I touched it and the cold felt nice on my burning hands.

Was so hot that I went in to a toilet cubicle and took my top off. Sitting there topless with my head in my hands trying to push my brain back from exploding through my eyeballs it slowly dawned on me that THIS IS NOT NORMAL. So I did what most people would do in this situation and text my mum saying I wasn’t very well J

N’night, hope everyone (including me) wakes up feeling fresh and well.

bad taste?

2010-08-28T11:49:00.001+01:00

Do you think I could attribute the fact that I haven't washed my hair since the funeral to mourning?

I think it's similar to chalking up my being a fat git to pregnancy. The babe is only a few cm long.

June

2010-08-26T18:51:00.008+01:00

I didn't really know what to say about this so kept quiet. My Grandma died the weekend before last on her 78th birthday. My Grandma was such a character and a force. She was extremely liberal and funny and ahead of her time. She noticed every single tiny detail. My mum inherited this trait and so have I :)

She picked out her coffin before she died and it looked absolutely fucking beautiful. I expect that's not what one should say about a coffin, but honestly, it looked like something the fairies would carry out to the woods. My Grandma was about the same size as a fairy so it was quite apt.

I know this isn't about my Grandad but it's impossible to write about her without him. They were united. This is the first time in my life I've seen one without the other. He is a legend. My Grandfather is my hero. He looked after her so lovingly and perfectly and capably. Thinking about it makes me cry.

My Grandma was totally unreligious, so in lieu of all that nonsense the family wrote about her and the speaker (I don't know what you call the person that performs the shindig) pulled the pieces together and read them out. My sister Ro and I got together one evening in the pub to write our piece. This is what we came up with:

Despite being only 4”11, June was one of the biggest characters in our family. At family gatherings her stories, and the way that she delivered them, commanded the attention of the entire room. One of the more recent gems involved a blind man passing his driving test. Preparing this speech, we went through a number of June’s different tales and laughed our heads off. We tried to write them down to retell but they were all either too scandalous or politically incorrect to repeat to a room full of people.
June had a wicked sense of humour. She always told Mark that he was her favourite son-in-law. It took a while (a long while) for him to realise he was her only son-in-law.
When asked to give Ken a break from bossing him about she promptly picked up her cane and said she would give him a break, “right over the top of his head”. However, often when he left the room on an errand she would lean in close, lower her voice (not something she did too often) and say how lovely he was, and that he took great care of her and how well he does. As soon as he walked back in the room she would pass judgement on his task mastering. Flower arrangement? Or, as she put it, “WHAT flower arrangement?”
Everything about June was immaculate: her house, garden and appearance. She did not tolerate disorder or mess. In spite of this, she absolutely adored her dog Taffy. Indeed, it was not family photos displayed at her hospital bedside, but a lovely big portrait of Taffy, the most chaotic and energetic thing allowed to enter her house in a long time. When Ken dared to suggest that maybe Taffy might be too hard to handle she told him she would rather get rid of him than the dog.
June was extremely artistic and creative and this shone through in her beautiful garden and all of her artwork. In her last few weeks she made duvet covers, cushions, a skirt and baked a cake. This is more than most of us could ever really manage to achieve.
Except for her known hatred of thunderstorms, she always seemed fearless. We will never forget her standing in front of our 2 large dogs, both of which individually outweighed her by a good 3 stone waving a bag of sausage treats and commenting on how lovely they were as they were revving up ready to charge.
June was always interested in and proud of our achievements and what we had been up to. If we ever broke any news to her a thoughtful card in the post would follow saying how happy she was for us. It’s very strange to think of how different our family is now going to be, or to imagine family events without the powerhouse that was June holding court and making us all laugh.

revolting

2010-08-24T11:23:00.000+01:00

Our hoover smells like sick. We've not sucked up anything revolting or done anything out of the ordinary. It's seemingly adopted this affliction from nowhere. I've tried Googling variations of 'Hoover stinks of vomit' but nobody else in the internet land appears to have had this problem. It's nice to have a house free of dust, dirt and hair but the puke blanket is unpleasant. It makes me throw up whenever I smell it.

Hawk is going to try disinfecting the pipes. I'm going to keep well out of the way. If anyone knows a solution or has had this problem let me know, thanks.

Really?

2010-08-23T18:18:00.002+01:00

Kellogg's have bought out these new ads. I don't need to be standing next to this at the best of times, let early mornings at 5 months pregnant.

Off

2010-08-20T13:29:00.003+01:00

Lunch is cheese and apple followed by bombay mix and meeting my friend for a coffee. I really needed some time off work. Yesterday I could feel my heart pumping stress levels even after I had left the building. HOW DO I CONTRA MY CONTRA? I'VE POSTED A CHARGE BUT CANCELLED THE UNSETTLE!

Goodbye complicated shit. See you in a week!

omf(ro)g pt 2

2010-08-18T21:53:00.001+01:00

There's a frog hopping around my bedroom. Flipping cat.

omfg

2010-08-17T21:41:00.000+01:00

MY WORST FEAR HAS BEEN REALISED: WE ARE OUT OF TOILET ROLL

Hawk

2010-08-15T12:07:00.004+01:00

Hawk and I just did the cleaning. I pissed off early to have a shower and he finished mopping then made the bed (making bed = worst job ever). Then he made me a cup of tea in a mug with a cow on. He makes me tea in that mug because he says it reflects my personality. Then he went to wash. Before he went I made him inspect a dirty rash on my leg and we had a conversation where I told him he wasn't allowed to get a 6ft Sully.

last remaining pairs

2010-08-14T11:50:00.002+01:00

I really, really want these shoes. Size 8 ladies out there SNAP THESE UP!

P.s. They would have gone perfectly with my new dress :)

Bio Oil

2010-08-11T12:06:00.001+01:00

Anyone else using Bio Oil? It's been recommended to me by a few people. It's meant to have magical properties. I hope it works because weight for weight it costs more than gold.

outlook

2010-08-09T13:43:00.002+01:00

URGH! My home internet is broken. I'm uploading 85 photos from a family event at 0.6kb per hour. I'm not sure what that measurement means, but 1 photo is uploaded every 2 hours. It's a labour of love. Well, it's not much of a labour either seeing that I just leave it on and uploading and check that it hasn't crashed once every 12 hours. That's about all it can do. I can't go browsing clothes websites.

So, i'm updating on a lunch break. Someone here just had lunch on the bench of a thousand wees. It's a bench down the road from the office that some of the more insalubrious and interesting characters of the area gather. I don't understand how anyone could knowingly consume food on a bench that has FOR A REASON been titled 'the bench of a thousand wees'.

A rubbish truck drove past me and I gagged and gagged and couldn't stop and only just managed not to be sick. So not cool. So not cool where I work, in front of people. I thought the sickness/gag reflex might have calmed down now. My aunt was telling a story at the weekend about leaving salmon in the sink for a few days and I have to stop typing here because my throat is closing.

I was supposed to go to a corporate event in a few days and instead of coming up with a lie I said to a bigwig "I really can't face it, i'm so sorry". And they understood. I don't even think they bitched behind my back (could be wrong, who cares - I AM FREEEEEEEE). I hate enforced social jolliness with people I don't know/care about. These events cost a fortune as well. Stop that bollocks and put it in my pay packet! I don't want to climb the career ladder and make nice to the people at the top. I just want to go home, watch a film and have a cuppa.

girls girls girls

2010-08-07T15:07:00.000+01:00

My niece and my almost niece. Cute huh? I'm ready for a nap too.

please go

2010-08-05T11:05:00.001+01:00

Cannot even begin to say how much I have had enough of fleas. Fleas in my new home, fleas on the cat, arguments about flea treatment, treating everything repeatedly and being bitten. I need a magic fairy to make them go away.

You know what? I am nice to insects. I rescue spiders and move trapped things back outside. I try my best not to step on anything and not to harm any that land on me. Even when they land IN MY FACE. But seriously, I would slaughter and destroy every single flea and all their families too.

nothing else to say

2010-08-04T01:39:00.000+01:00

1am cheese and toast sandwich :-)

being green

2010-08-02T13:20:00.001+01:00

Do you ever think that Paul Rudd sounds like Kermit?

Just me?

twenty seven

2010-07-31T08:49:00.001+01:00

Today is my 27^th birthday. In the past I’ve been a bit unthrilled about my age changing when I was happy the way it was. I don’t care now. I loved 26 and I have so much to look forward to at 27. The older I become the more grateful I am for all that I have. Sometimes I can’t believe my own luck.

Yesterday on the way home I was sick in the street. Totally mortifying, right? Instead of recoiling and running in horror Hawk patted my back and was kind and we carried on. I was sick again a couple of minutes later. I've only ever been sick in public twice. Both times humiliating. Hawk is lovely to me. He's in the living room now wrapping my gift. After work yesterday Hawk went to the shops AND remembered toothpaste and then we went to someone else's house and fed someone else's cat and then he dealt with me chucking up in public. When we got home, after all that, he had to go out again straight away to buy cat litter. Turns out Clyde is sick too. I just collapsed on the bed.

Later on my newborn niece is coming over and then I'm going to my mum and dad's for dinner :-) Happy Birthday

ugh

2010-07-29T23:09:00.002+01:00

Me: How comes wherever we live we have to listen to the upstairs neighbors bonking?

Hawk: That's not bonking, that's...

kids bouncing on the bed....

rhythmically

? ? ?

2010-07-27T14:21:00.000+01:00

Remember the mug full of odd crap? When we moved in to our new house I came across this drawer pre-filled with even odder odd crap - crucifix, rape alarm, toy car tyres. It gave me the heebie jeebies.

Does everyone have a stash of useless shit?! If you want me to come over, tip it in the bin and free you I WILL!

tripulus colour

2010-07-25T11:47:00.000+01:00

My evening bus route home is always through heavy traffic. A few days ago I watched such a sweet scene. A boy of about 11 got on the bus and his friend carried on walking beside for half a mile (no idea what that is in km). He stopped whenever the bus stopped and sped up as it got moving. They were smiling and laughing and pulling faces at one another the whole time.

Hooray for good friendships.

in the land of chimpanzees

2010-07-23T09:40:00.000+01:00

I am the epitome of class. I managed to eat a bag of cherries without high-velocity-thwunk-spitting out a single stone.

Speaking of class, check out my new (temporary!) shower curtain…

What I bought this week

2010-07-21T16:26:00.000+01:00

Have you visited the Woolworths website? I like it. I searched everywhere for a pair of skinny black maternity jeans and this was the only place I could find them. They have a good range of jeans if you're in an up the duff type of way. I also ordered these bath towels.

Today I went in to Benetton and ordered these sweet mix and match newborn outfits for my new niece (I'm still not sure of her name as I write this (and actually, at this point she hasn't even been born yet! (but it will be TONIGHT!!))) Everything was in the summer sale. All the baby clothes in the shop were in the sale so we bought more than we would otherwise have been able to. What a steal. An extremely pink steal.

I can't wait until I know whether I am having a boy or a girl so I can buy something. Not that I really need a new reason to buy anything else under the sun. When do you think it's acceptable to buy things? I'm not superstitious but I have to admit, 3 1/2 months seems a touch early.

I bought these from Accesorize. They were in exchange for a necklace I bought last week which broke on the first wear. They've just started their summer sale so I got two in replacement for my one. I didn't know the sales had just started so going today was lovely. Everything is still fresh and not the last leftover scraps that make you wonder about the mindset of the designer.

H & M basic. baggy enough to cover up my expanding mid bits.

These were from the Monsoon sale. Not truly a bargain though....

but look how pretty the buttons and edging are. P.s. I have a sick obsession with buying photo frames. I have loads that I haven't even put pictures in yet.

green

2010-07-19T11:57:00.001+01:00

Look how beautiful this one tiny corner of my mumma's garden is. The whole garden is beautiful. Someone should take some proper photos of this i.e. not from a 3 year old camera phone and get them printed. I'd love this on my wall, or how lovely would this be as a card. Someone sort this out, and since it's my birthday soon I should be at the receiving end (wink hint!)

At the moment (and maybe forever) my garden is a patch of dirt with a super-rough paving slab pathway leading to a small errrr I don't know what they are called but it's like a fancy shed that you can sit in. It's got someone's big car mat, a minging old rug and a load of old windows in it at the moment (none of these belong to Hawk or I).

I have today off! I'm going shopping for something baby related and adorable because Hawk's big sis is about to have a baby girl. Hawk actually suggested that we go to an industrial park where JJB sports is and buy her a Man United shirt. Talk about sucking every ounce of joy out of a lovely shop.

This is my first (but better not be my last!) time as an aunty.

to a sailor its the sea, sea, sea

2010-07-17T08:59:00.005+01:00

Tea & toast on a sunny Saturday morning = my happiness. I've got homemade marmalade and jam. Not homemade by me, of course. I just stood outside in MY OWN garden eating toast :-)

Did anyone have to sing that 'Happiness Is' song at school (it was in our hymn book) . I just found it. We didn't have the American verse about Yankees (and monsters) but we did have:

To the show girl
It's a mink, mink, mink
To the banker
Lots and lots of dough
To a racer
It's a GTO

show girls and mink - love it

leg face body

2010-07-16T10:24:00.005+01:00

We went for the 12 week scan. The baby was well chilled out. I had to cough so that it would jump and the sonographer could check his/her arms were present and correct. They were resting behind its little (but MASSIVE in comparison with the rest of its body) head. After it was startled it floated back down like a falling leaf and carried on lounging. Its ♥ was thumping loud.

I think its nose looks like Olive Oyl's. What do you reckon?

I'm looking forward to the 20 week scan when I can hopefully find out if its a boy or a girl and stop calling him/her "it". I don't have a cute name like most people do but I'm not going to go down the "the feotus" route either.

Mango diet

2010-07-14T12:16:00.003+01:00

My little sister Lulu goes on the self-styled 'mango diet'. The regime involves just eating mango during the day so that in the evening you can eat a chocolate bar for dinner without worrying about calories. She gets a bit starvacious though and usually ends up wolfing down everything in the fridge by 11pm.

I don't think it's any more mental than Beyonce's tomato diet or Jen An's baby food diet.

I'm sort of living a variant of the mango diet at the moment but mine is pineapple and cake. So far I'm finding it delicious, if not all that nutritious. Sorry to the baby, but other foods are making me barf and actually, it only has itself to blame for that.

mmmm custard slices!

aaah pretty

2010-07-12T10:19:00.000+01:00

love summer time

better now

2010-07-10T15:14:00.002+01:00

After a big fat sleep, french bread, cake, sitting about laughing with my family and raspberry lemonade with lots of ice I feel much better. Ready for a nap now :)

all part of a master plan

2010-07-09T21:55:00.000+01:00

I have just been through one of the longest weeks of my life. In the midst of finding out how sick my grandma is we moved house and I had different appointments for baby related stuff.

I’ve spent hours and hours and days and what feels like my whole life cleaning and sorting out accumulated shit. I’ve totally cleaned my old flat and my new flat. I need to now clean the cat because apparently the lazy git can’t be arsed to do it himself. Also, he needs to be de-flead again. And so does my new flat. And then washed again. Kill me?

I’ve accidentally said “I just want to die now” three times today but I don’t mean that. I mean I just want to be lying on a beach in the sunshine with a delicious cold drink now.

I’ve really had enough to be honest. I feel like a zombie. I wake up and spend the day feeling tired until it’s time to go back to sleep and repeat. I have no energy.

I am so happy it’s a new weekend now.

not homeless

2010-07-03T11:30:00.000+01:00

I was going to write about how beastly stressful flat hunting has been. But we found somewhere suitable within a week. We are lucky. My Grandma is very poorly and it puts things in to perspective. I'm scared.

defestation

2010-07-01T12:47:00.000+01:00

There was an evening recently that made me realise what a sparking, multi-faceted gem my life is.

we spent almost four hours eradicating the house and cat of fleas. Everyone was pissed off. The cat for being severely Furminated and then drenched in anti-flea solution, Hawk because I was upsetting the cat and me because they were both being giant pussies.

Hawk isn’t that bothered about fleas because he has something wrong with his blood settings and they find him repellent. He does not get bitten. My blood however, wafts out alluring and sultry aromas. To fleas. It was when I woke up bitten somewhere, ermm delicate, that I decided enough was enough.

The cat sobbed and we sulked and then spent hours spraying every square inch of fabric whilst being grumpy and tired. I washed everything that could be washed. The washing machine only runs on certain settings. It REFUSES to do a hot wash. I could only hope that drowning was sufficient and death by boiling was surplus to requirement.

All is well now. You can come over.

enhancement

2010-06-29T11:01:00.001+01:00

I treated myself to a manicure, pedicure, eyebrow wax and hair appointment to cheer myself up about the ~~few spots~~ hideous facial condition . So now I am broke but let me tell you one thing, I sure am looking HOT:

peace

2010-06-27T08:03:00.000+01:00

I love being the first awake on a weekend morning and poodling about online, propped up with lots of pillows and a cuppa whilst the rest of the house sleeps.

Bonus points if i've sorted a household chore whilst the kettle boils.

When did I reach middle age?

Olbas

2010-06-26T22:30:00.000+01:00

I just pressed a tissue infused with drops of Olbas oil to my eye because I am a stupid twat. I'm hoping my vision returns soon.

hunky chunky almonds

2010-06-24T02:13:00.002+01:00

I imagine it's a dreadful idea to be posting an image of myself like this on the internets. Especially since it's two in the morn and I should be asleep.

***NOT FOR THE FAINT HEARTED***

****SERIOUSLY, LOOK AWAY NOW IF SQUEAMISH*****

(I did warn you)

Could the beauty be any more radiant? The secret to my glowing skin: my perfect balance of water consumption and exercise. What can I say? I'm blessed. I was a winner of the genetics lottery.

I think this might be classed as mild acne. I don't know for definite as I can't stomach Googling that kind of thing now. It's pregnancy related and all over my face and neck in bubbly puddles. I'm hoping that it will die down soon.

I bought a Garnier facewash with brush contraption. It is supposed to "unclog impurities from pores and visibly reduce surface sebum levels. " I imagine in my case it's like trying to catch an elephant with a butterfly net but the brush feels good.

I am thankful for concealer and trowels.

If the baby is not cute I am demanding a refund.

My Grandad is almost 80. I love these mails.

2010-06-22T13:18:00.000+01:00

Good to see you‏

From:	KENNETH
Sent:	02 June 2010 10:39:37
To:	sophie

Dear Sophie,

Thanks for the lovely card. I had only posted one to you when the postie came

past & put the mail in my hand including yours.

It was great to see you and to know that all is well.Take lots of care!

Love GD

Bravadery

2010-06-20T10:11:00.001+01:00

I sorted out this little (big) problem. I am happily kitted out with Bravado. HOLY COW it's so much more comfortable. They aren't really designed for flattering sex appeal or prettiness but with my face now raging with acne I don't feel that way anyway.

For some reason you can't buy anything through the Bravado site so I found the designs I liked and ordered through Amazon. I am currently rotating two basics but will get a couple more if this all works out okay (fingers effing crossed, dudes). Even though I haven't tried any other bras, I would totally recommend these. I was recommended through my mate. The instant comfort is bliss.

sending 'em up

2010-06-18T10:48:00.001+01:00

I always know it's been a superb, deep night of sleep when I wake up imprinted like an inner-city road map. When I was a kid I wanted to stay up every hour possible. Sleep was the enemy. Now, I could happily go to sleep from the moment I step inside the house each evening to the following afternoon.

my mum

2010-06-16T10:20:00.002+01:00

Me: According to the internet, the baby is now the size of a raspberry and has arm paddles.

Mum: Why have you got such a fat gut then?

My pops

2010-06-15T10:06:00.000+01:00

My Pops is a cool fella. It was a boiling hot day so we were all kitted out in flip flops, shades etc and then five minutes after this picture was taken it poured and poured. People had barbies going (in the park?!!) and everyone had to scarper because the rain was torrential. We sheltered under a tree but eventually that was flimsy protection against the battering downpour so we legged it home. We were totally soaked. Good old family times.

World Cup

2010-06-14T10:32:00.003+01:00

Come on England!

puffley

2010-06-12T09:42:00.000+01:00

Hawk: Are they Powerpuff girls on your socks?

Me: Yeah. I stole them from my mum .

hoopla

2010-06-10T09:55:00.001+01:00

I walked in to a concert and someone did a double take and smiled at me. They were a friend of my brother and I got recognised via his faceboob pic/s.

The worrying part is that I know what photos he has up of me. It’s not the most flattering accolade to be recognised through drunken photos of yourself from circa five years ago. What a prime example of your actions coming back to haunt you.

overtheshoulderboulderholder

2010-06-08T13:26:00.002+01:00

I’m having certain issues. This whole growing an embryo occurrence has caused certain assets to balloon. See what I did there ey wink wink. None of my bras fit. It’s like trying to squish a three foot octopus in to a sandwich bag. Actually, that is just too strange (not to mention grotesque) an analogy. Scrap that mental image. My cheap bras went out the window straight away, but now even my sturdy and faithful Calvin Klein’s can’t take the strain.

I have no idea where to begin with maternity bras. I'm totally out of my depth here.

today‏

2010-06-06T17:17:00.000+01:00

I noticed that my earring back had fallen out at some point during the day. After a spot of half-hearted foraging about my desk and surrounding floorland I went to the toilets to transfer the back from a smaller, higher up, less- likely-to-fall-out-if-left-to-its-own-free-will earring. Unfortunately the back from that earring when flying from my ear to directly to the sink and then clanked down the plug hole.

Trying to be useful, I charged my phone whilst getting ready this morning. Then I forgot and left it at home. I was going to text from Hawk’s but his has been cut off because he forgot to pay the bill (as usual).

So now I have one earring backless ear, one with the full back suite and no means of textual distraction.

?

2010-06-04T14:36:00.000+01:00

I'm not sure what all these pieces are inside my ornamental Slovakian pottery mug.

WTF dudes? What are we keeping these for?

If anyone out there is looking for just the right parts to complete their robot/Frankenstein's monster, email me!

descriptions, not images

2010-06-02T14:01:00.003+01:00

(thanks Wikipedia)

From: Sophie
Sent: 21 May 2010 11:58
To: Matthew
Subject:

Gestational age: 6 weeks old. 43–49 days from last menstruation.

Embryonic age: Week nr 5. 4 weeks old. 29–35 days from fertilization.

The embryo measures 8 mm (1/4 inch) in length.
Lens pits and optic cups form the start of the developing eye.
Nasal pits form.
The brain divides into 5 vesicles, including the early telencephalon.
Leg buds form and hands form as flat paddles on the arms.
Rudimentary blood moves through primitive vessels connecting to the yolk sac and chorionic membranes.

From: Matthew
Sent: 21 May 2010 11:59
To: Sophie
Subject: RE:

Brilliant. I love it

From: Sophie Singleton
Sent: 21 May 2010 12:01
To: Matthew Sparrowhawk
Subject: RE:

Me too, but you know it looks like this:

From: Matthew
Sent: 21 May 2010 12:02
To: Sophie
Subject: RE:

Oh my god, that’s like something out of alien. Until it starts looking like a baby I only want descriptions, not images!

Links everywhere

2010-05-30T11:47:00.002+01:00

So, i'm trying this little experiment of staying away from booze. Well, it's less of an experiment, more doctor's advice. (Not my doctor actually, she leaned in and said, They (Official Advice Deciders) like to imagine that we are all completely stupid. You can have a glass of wine or a gin and tonic, my love.) Summer is usually my time to faint every time I see someone with a beer in a pub garden. See here, here & here. I love a well made drink.
So, this summer, it's all about freezing cold, non-alcy drinks. Homemade = the fake G&T :

2/3 glass ice cubes, 1/3 lemon squeezed in, 1/2 lime squeezed in, lemon & lime quarters added, topeed up with tonic alone or tonic plus any mixer of choice. Rose's Lime Cordial is a star choice. Or any fruit juice. We go for orange or cranberry. It basically just needs a fuckload of ice and a truckload of lemon

tangents

2010-05-28T14:44:00.000+01:00

We recently watched Looking For Eric. It’s worth it alone for the awesome mass Cantona scene.

There is a particular scene where Eric hides a gun inside a chicken. It reminded me of this story my dad once told me where a guy passes out in a supermarket because he had hidden a frozen chicken under his hat.

Oh… oh! This might actually be something. Not just my dad talking… well, it would still be the typical rambling loonism of my father, but he might not have made it up himself!

Hawk was then telling me about a short story called Lamb to the Slaughter by Roald Dahl. It’s about a wife who kills her husband with a frozen leg of lamb. She then feeds the murder weapon to the unsuspecting investigating officers.

Thus concludes thee tales of meat based crime.

smiley face

2010-05-26T13:52:00.000+01:00

there's no place like...

2010-05-24T13:53:00.000+01:00

Are there any noises that you find comforting?

I love the sound of the dishwasher and washing machine on at the same time. Deeply un-environmental but the methodical rhythm is calming.

I also love the noise of passing traffic when you open the window on a hot summer day. Stillness of heat mingling with engines.

I like hearing my cat purring and Hawk singing Bruce's The River when they are happy.

I’ve just realised that these are all the sounds of home.

Noises I hate:

Alarm clocks (I can’t face using mine)

Dial up internet. Thankfully not had to listen to that connection racket for years.

whoopwhoop

2010-05-22T11:41:00.004+01:00

Oh my gawd, you guys! I think summer has finally hit London town! Winter was never ending. Spring was wet. But.. this... feels.. *sniffs the air* like SUMMER!
happyhappy

YOU ARE!

2010-05-20T20:39:00.001+01:00

Mugwhump is one of the best words I have heard for a while. Definitely going to use it from now on.

bad apple

2010-05-18T15:20:00.000+01:00

How disappointing when your apple turns out to be furry and soft instead of crisp and sharp.

Fattus Cattus

2010-05-16T16:20:00.000+01:00

jamboree

2010-05-14T15:02:00.002+01:00

After quietly and companionably watching the glacial progress of an old lady pushing a sholley for a few moments, Hawk bet me a Wispa that she would reach the end of the street before the bus arrived. I won.
But we are both headed to the Underworld for OAP racing bets.

June

2010-05-12T11:03:00.003+01:00

I noticed this morning that the mirror (peeking through the back) coffee mug and, vase on my dresser were all thrift store scores. Over here, we say charity shop but it sounds a bit pompous. I like second-hand store too. My mum styled the mirror up for me by taking out the innards, spraying it silver, and putting it back together again.

My grandma once brought over some flowers which she had already arranged in a glass jug tied with ribbon. This is such a thoughtful gift because it takes ages to sort flowers out if you have guests over and are busy. There are jugs and vases going cheap in just about every charity shop in the land. I am definitely going to recycle her idea.

Blush blush horror horror

2010-05-10T17:08:00.000+01:00

Accidentally said the name of a nightclub (Kensington Roof Gardens) in a meeting instead of the roof garden we actually own.

What’s that strange vibe? Ahhh yes, my immortal shame.

Beards

2010-05-08T17:19:00.002+01:00

I love the simple bliss of tying my hair up and taking my contacts out at the end of the day. That is my signifier that I am Home.

Bonus extras: trousers/bra off, flumping on the bed, hanging out with the cat, sofa + tea + blanket + telly. Ultra bonus: Hawk making me tea + hot water bottle!!!

Ace

2010-05-06T18:50:00.000+01:00

I love this website.

Hair Scare

2010-05-04T16:22:00.001+01:00

I have quite spectacular hair metal hair. I know, unfortunate. Especially considering that I'm female. It's naturally blonde and I have it highlighted blonder. Colouring transforms it from 'already quite dry' to 'enormous haystack'.

I've tried hundreds of anti-frizz lotions and potions but my favourite for taming the mess is Umberto Giannini Curl Friends Smoothing Balm

It turns the massive frizz in to normal looking curls and waves. And I don't even have to bother hairdrying it. I would love to hear from anyone that can suggest an excellent product for dry, curly, huge hair. I'm open to recommendations ☺

a lesson

2010-05-02T12:05:00.002+01:00

The ignition on the gas hobs atop the oven are broken. As Hawk is too much of a cheap arse to buy a new clicker he has been refilling an old one with a canister of gas. So far so lethal. Yesterday the liquid gas escaped through a crack in the old clicker. It trickled out, pooling in the sink below. There was a big explosion when Hawk sparked the clicker. I have never seen a fireball so close up before. And I was not quite as close as Hawk. He had a fireball ENGULFING HIS FACE.

He ran out the room, ~~flailing~~ ~~flapping~~ in a manly way and I was scared. I thought he had burnt his face off. I found him in front of the bathroom mirror inspecting the damage to his hair. The outer layer was signed and floating off. The house reeked of burnt hair. Burnt hair is a smell I remember vividly from the days of childhood when my dog used to swish her tail too close to the gas heaters. There didn’t seem to be any other damage. Aside from mentally. Hawk stood there in shock, feeling the top of his hair he said “I think that’s food… or twigs”. Ahhh, yes, that is definitely twigs in your hair.

one hundred times per day

2010-04-30T11:32:00.001+01:00

HOMIGAWD!

Screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeam

Tran rhymes with bran, not barn.

Transfer

TRANSFER

Not Traarnsfer! I cannot listen to this anymore. If I end up rocking back and forth in the corner of a dilapidated psyche ward, clutching a handful of straw and birds eggs, having drawn crucifixes over my forehead, and hanging a necklace of pencils around my neck, THIS WILL BE The MAIN REASON. Not the only reason mind, but the main one.

Orange you lovely

2010-04-28T14:12:00.002+01:00

sniffsniff
Not sure what this funky smell is but I'm hoping it's coming from the grapefruit on my desk and not me.

Deception

2010-04-26T22:03:00.002+01:00

I wonder if you can glean some truth about a person by staring at a photograph of them hard and long enough.

Is it best to take people at face value or to always be slightly wary? It amazes me that anyone can be skilful at concealing who they are and what they are up to. That people can seamlessly lie on cue, unflinching and without hesitation. HOW DO YOU LEARN THAT? Can you control it? Where do I sign up?

It turns out that someone I consider/ed to be a friend is an unbelievably shady lady. I mean, double life, serious fraud crimes shady. We went to dinner a couple of weeks ago and everything was the same as ever, which is to say that everything was a lie. A pack of lies.

I doubt that I will ever trust anything this person says ever again.

Well, quite

2010-04-24T13:10:00.001+01:00

Overheard at work:
That's everything Steve, except for the sausage.

bad luck comes in threes

2010-04-22T11:11:00.000+01:00

We have VIP potential investors coming in this morning. It is like Royal dignitaries are visiting. I had to go and buy smart trousers, which, after trying your bog standard smart trouser buying places (Monsoon (formed a billowing elephantine shape round my bum/hips), M&S (Jewish mum ), Next (Just, really, really No) I found some in River Island. Yep, River land of the diamante, hot pink chavaland Island. The material is almost as sturdy as denim. I can’t wear thin material trousers as I’m pear shaped and not toned so it looks dreadful. The ones I bought are sturdy enough not only to act as a successful girder, but, amazingly, they are also flattering.

Today things went as pear shaped as my arse from the start. I dropped my minerals powder foundation and it smashed to the floor, smattering over my blacker than black new trousers on the way down. It skidded about dramatically spewing powder over my bedroom floor. I’ve been here before.

As I was leaving, I went to grab some fruit from the fridge and when I turned back four seconds later my Oyster card had disappeared. DIS-AP-PEARRED.

I hurriedly searched the kitchen, my room, the hallway, the bathroom, the inside of the fridge but you since lateness was not an option I gave up and ran.
Just in time to see the bus stream past.
Back home, Hawk found the Oyster had fallen down the five millimeters of gap between the fridge and the unit next to it. So he groveled about in his suit on the kitchen floor. The kitchen floor that has not been hovered for two weeks because we forgot to buy hoover bags.

We were about to miss the connecting bus but the driver sat and waited for us. What a lovely guy and finally a silver lining. Good job too, as we got to work in time to market our potential. Me covered in foundation, he in cat food and floor flotsam.

Ideas for stories I wish i'd written

2010-04-20T17:02:00.003+01:00

If I did not know this person I would think they were on drugs. It's some of the craziest writing I have ever read. And it was written by my boyfriend:

Farmageddon is an idea I had about the pigs being hated by the cows as the cows think they are becoming the farmers favourite animals. So the Cows join allegiances with the Chickens and Sheep and declare war on the Pigs. I haven’t got the whole story figured out but I really want to finish it. The scene I want to do is a montage of the pigs in training but instead of using a song to really get them going and give them a winning mentality, they use Kelly Clarkson music as some is high tempo but lyrically not inspiring.

More here (!)

put on reading glasses: check

2010-04-18T21:27:00.000+01:00

How you know you've lost the sexy exhiliration of youth #56596442: you and your partner are sitting in bed watching the first election debate.
Now on to our own political debate of who has left the bathroom light on again...

Big lights will inspire you

2010-04-14T12:33:00.000+01:00

Having a radio at work is a very controversial business. There is much differing of opinion over what we should listen to. I don’t really care and stay out of the fights as long as it’s NOT 60/70s pop. I think there is a station called ‘dire music from four decades ago’ and I always realise it’s been tuned in to that station when I start wondering why my life’s worth is hemorrhaging through my ears.

At the moment Empire State of Mind (Part I or II depending on which station) is on heavy rotation. I’m beginning to assess the passing of time through play counts. Whenever I hear it I know that twenty minutes have passed and I am one step closer to home. I am waiting for my co-workers to join collaborative forces Glee style and bust out the NEW YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK. Come on people, we can do this.

Obviously I’ll be hiding behind a pillar.

oh, yummy!

2010-04-13T20:56:00.004+01:00

MMmm why, yes, this hummus, wholemeal pitta and crudités dinner is looking so tempting for the second night in a row. This feels like such a treat after a day of salad, fruit and yoghurt. I don't feel at all like I want to shovel ginormous amounts of pasta, cheese or chocolate in to my chubby face. I think I truly am a reformed character.

No way, man

2010-04-12T20:52:00.000+01:00

Watching Yes Man and thinking there is absolutely no way ever that guy would get that girl. Nu-uh

I'd go for the obvious choice

2010-04-10T06:29:00.002+01:00

Me: Just woken up, blinking in to the daylight.
Hawk: "Which Spice girl do you think would be most likely to mutilate you?"

erm

2010-04-08T21:26:00.002+01:00

(sorry about my brightey whiteys)

When was the last time you changed your bedding? Because ours is coming up to three weeks. Positively slatternly, I know. To add some horror, Clyde spends his days hanging out here and he is grubbily encrusted with a spicy mixture of dirt, beetles and let's not look too closely at that type of matter. NO ONE MENTION THE WORD FECAL, OKAY.

A few years ago my brother came home from university for the summer and he had not washed his bedding at all that year. To say it reeked does not capture the true horror of it. If veterinarians could bottle that concoction it could have been used to tranquilise a herd of wildebeest.

Information to keep to myself

2010-04-06T14:18:00.000+01:00

The pattern on the underwear I’m wearing today exactly matches that of a colleague's top.

heart shaped Easter

2010-04-04T10:13:00.002+01:00

p.s. nom...

in♥box

2010-04-02T14:41:00.001+01:00

Birds & Flowers‏
From: Grandad
Sent: 28 March 2010 09:04:16
To: sophie
Dear Sophie,
Thanks for your card & message, lovely to hear from you. We hope you are all blooming like the flowers in spring. We are off to lunch at Sadie's & to see
her paint job on the flat.
Lots of Love,
GM & GD

Sprung

2010-03-30T10:22:00.002+01:00

I don't have the spare pocket money of a teenager able to spend every Saturday in Westfields (I wish!). Most of my dosh goes on ~~my crack habit~~ bills and cat food. A lot of money goes on cat food as Hawk feeds Clyde four times more than he needs. aahhh are you wet, cold and upset? Here, have the tuna. She hurt your feline feelings calling you disgusting for bringing beetles in? mmm poultry*. Boyfriend gouged a chunk out of your face again?.. you get the idea. So I have to cut corners in the style department. I am fully aware that my modelling something is quite possibly the worst way on Earth to sell it, so you'll have to take my word instead: Asda have some good Spring clothes right now.
*yep, unspecified bird, yummy

Monday morning again

2010-03-29T07:30:00.001+01:00

ergglack

2010-03-27T13:01:00.000Z

Secretion is such a horrible word. I don't know how writers can so casually chuck it in like it's not going to throw everything out of kilter in my mind.

the waiting game

2010-03-25T15:45:00.002Z

The waiting game is such a pile of wank if you are an intolerably impatient arsehole like myself. Do you think you can learn patience? I've heard it's a virtue.
I wish you could buy willpower. Or faith.

My Hawk

2010-03-23T14:58:00.002Z

Hawk walking in to the room after making a cuppa during Embarrassing Bodies: "How's her vag doing?"
I love that man.

what Sundays are about

2010-03-21T21:33:00.001Z

friday

2010-03-19T19:58:00.001Z

Friday night and i'm living it up with Wednesday night's leftover dinner and a hot water bottle. BLISS! What more is there to say really?

neglectful abandonment

2010-03-17T10:22:00.003Z

ahhh say something. SAY SOMETHING! I think it's the only way to break the ice and get back in to the swing.
bibbity bobbity boo
I would like to say that I am happily sat at home in nothing but a towel wondering what time is respectable to eat last night's dinner leftovers? 10am seems too early, 11am seems acceptable? It's new to me as i'm always at work on a weekday. This is a beauuuutiful luxury and unchartered territory. Also, should I go for a walk to poke about in some charity shops or should I go back to sleep? C'mon blog, give me the answers!

candles

2009-08-18T19:08:00.005+01:00

This is my brother and the chocolate honey moon crater birthday cake he made me. I have to remember days like that when I have days like today.

who knew there were so many ways to spell that word

2009-08-14T18:21:00.006+01:00

Yesterday I made a bastardisation of a lasagna. I just wanted to use my home-grown monster chilli:

That's right, let's look at my chilli from another angle:

I am so proud. So far my plant has only produced one chilli. This was despite numerous attempts at SABOTAGE from Hawk.

It was delicious and yum but today I was wondering how if one wasn't to merely guess at shit with flagrant shortcutting (ready-chopped mushrooms, ready-grated cheese, Asda smart price chopped tomatoes) one might make a proper béchamel sauce. I love this video. I'm going to go and watch it again now.

say something

2009-08-10T23:27:00.003+01:00

Apologies in advance as I've just been out drinking in town with my cousin and sister. Probably if there is ever a time not to be trying to write it would be after the point where your limbs start getting heavy to move and your going "hey, look at this wooden gold painted picture frame I got in the charity shop!" like it's a good thing. My cousin lives in Norfolk and was doing something work related in London. They put her up in a really good hotel in Victoria. You know how some people slip glasses or cutlery in to their bags? I wanted the sofa. If there was a way I could have subtly got that home on the tube I would have.

Speaking of the tube, this evening there was a middle aged napping, disheveled gent carrying some low budget supermarket bags and the biggest Dior bag I've ever seen. Not that I have seen too many, you understand. It was so out of place. I'd love to know what was in there.

...............................

I tried to write a blog whilst on holiday the other day but it was a major fail. I don't know how it works in internet phone land but it stuck my blog here (below):

On holiday

I've gone online on my phone for the first time (apart from the 56 million times it connects by itself sitting on a dresser and i get charged for being on a homepage for 8 hours). It's quite a long process. Just realised i don't know how to do paragraph breaks. The shower here is truly bad but while i'm in it i'm trying not to think about what is blocking it. I can't even unclog my own without gagging and wearing gloves. So, lots of good holiday stuff which i'm too lazy to write about now. Plus this keeps jumping about and i don't know what's going on. Last night i dreamt i was in the sea with some cousins and i accidentally let go of one of their pink dora the explorer balloon. He was really pissed off with me and so i stormed out dramatically then had to watch everyone having fun whilst kicking stuff about at the side. In real life my cousin is a 24 year old diver. We've never had a row. The end!
at 9:36 AM 0 comments
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you're only young but you're gonna die

2009-06-15T20:00:00.004+01:00

After a long boiling day I'm finally sitting on the sofa, breeze blowing in from the window along with the sounds of rolling thunder. BLISS!

cheep

2009-06-08T22:19:00.003+01:00

My friend is travelling around the world. She emailed me from Cambodia to give me the devastating news that birdsong is being taken off air.